questions to ask your spouse
Mental Health

100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse

Healthy communication is so important in a healthy marriage. It opens the door for us to be able to express our thoughts, feelings, and desires openly with our spouse. In fact, communication is the number one concern couples who come into my office typically give me who are struggling in their marriages. In a healthy marriage, couples share not only their struggles and frustrations but their joys and successes too. And they commit to learning more about each other.

Our relationship with our spouse is dynamic and it evolves over time, just as we do as individuals. So, no matter how long we have been married to our spouse, we will never stop learning new things about them. This is why we should never stop dating our spouse.

Effective communication takes time and practice to develop in every marriage.  When my husband and I first started dating, it seemed like we had all the time in the world to spend with one another. We had time to be adventurous, spontaneous, and time to communicate with each other without interruption or distractions. But as the responsibilities of marriage began to accumulate, it became more difficult to find that space for one another. Finding ways to sustain the excitement and fun involves spending enjoyable time together.

You can use these 100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse as a planned date night activity at home or ask each other a few questions at a time when you are bored. Some of these questions will make you laugh, some will present the opportunity to learn more about your spouse’s childhood, hopes, and views, as well as how to keep the spark alive in the bedroom. More than anything, I hope these questions open the door to new conversations and lead to greater emotional and physical connectedness.

These questions are meant to strengthen your relationship and deepen your communication with one another. Remember to respect each other’s boundaries. If one of you does not feel comfortable answering a question, just move on to the next one. The first rule of effective communication is to always make sure you both feel safe to share openly. So, let’s have some fun and dig into 100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse!

100 Questions to Ask Your Spouse

  1. What is something you hated as a kid, but appreciate now that you are an adult?
  2. Who is someone you have a lot of respect for? Why?
  3. What is the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you?
  4. What is the best life advice you ever received and who was it from?
  5. What is the strangest thing you have searched on google in the past 3 months?
  6. What is one thing I do that drives you crazy?
  7. What is the best gift you have ever received?
  8. What is your favorite memory of us?
  9. What was your favorite family tradition growing up?
  10. When are you the happiest?
  11. What is your favorite sexual position?
  12. What is your happiest childhood memory?
  13. What is your favorite thing I do for you?
  14. What is my best physical feature?
  15. Which of your personality traits do you wish you could change?
  16. Where do you see us in 10 years?
  17. What personal possession do you most treasure?
  18. What is something you would like for us to try in bed that we have never done?
  19. What is your favorite trip we have taken so far?
  20. If we could have sex anywhere, where would it be?
  21. If you could have dinner with one person- dead or alive- who would it be?
  22. What possession of mine would you like to throw away?
  23. What annoying habit do I have that took some getting used to?
  24. What’s your favorite memory from when we were dating?
  25. If you had to choose one vehicle to drive for the rest of your life, what would it be?

  1. What do you see as our greatest strength as a couple?
  2. If we could go back in time and you could share a moment of your life with me, what would it be?
  3. What do I do that turns you on the most?
  4. What first attracted you to me?
  5. What has been the “best” mistake you have made?
  6. What’s the biggest risk you have ever taken that didn’t pay off?
  7. What would you like us to do together that we have never done?
  8. If you could be an expert in anything, what would it be?
  9. What is my most attractive quality?
  10. What is your favorite outfit that I wear?
  11. Who would you like to have a closer relationship with?
  12. What famous person would you like to meet?
  13. What do you want to be remembered for?
  14. What is one thing you wish you were really good at?
  15. What is your most embarrassing moment?
  16. What tradition would you like for us to start together?
  17. What is the best gift you have ever received?
  18. What would be your perfect day?
  19. What is your favorite thing I do for you?
  20. What should our next big purchase be?
  21. If you could do anything for one week, all expenses paid, what would you do?
  22. What three ways are we most alike?
  23. What is one thing you want to do or should do that you have been putting off?
  24. What is the grossest thing you have ever eaten?
  25. If you could own a business, what would it be?

  1. What is the best compliment you have ever received?
  2. If you could wake up tomorrow with one ability or trait, what would it be?
  3. What is something I have done in bed that really turns you on?
  4. Is there a friend or couple you would like to become better friends with?
  5. How have you changed personally since we have been married?
  6. What are 3 ways I have changed since we first met?
  7. Where is your favorite place to be touched?
  8. What is something I do outside of the bedroom that turns you on?
  9. What food could you not live without?
  10. What is a strange habit you have?
  11. What is something a lot of people love but you find overrated?
  12. What is one thing you would really like to own?
  13. What do I do that embarrasses you most?
  14. If you had to choose a new career, what would it be?
  15. Who or what has influenced you the most this year?
  16. What goals do you have for when we retire?
  17. If you could switch places with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
  18. What is one thing that really makes you feel alive?
  19. What is something you are thankful you never have to do again?
  20. What is one item on your bucket list?
  21. If you could see into the future, what is one thing you would want to know?
  22. If you were to describe our relationship in one word, what would it be?
  23. What is one thing we need to work on in our relationship?
  24. Is there anything you miss from when we were dating that we can do now?
  25. What is something I do that makes you feel the most loved?

  1. Do you have any fantasies you want to fulfill together?
  2. If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
  3. Are there any ways that I can support you better?
  4. What is one thing you would change about our sex life?
  5. What do you enjoy doing most with me?
  6. Have any of your childhood dreams been fulfilled?
  7. What compliment is really meaningful to hear from me?
  8. What personal goal would you like to achieve this year?
  9. How do you feel about our finances?
  10. What do you feel most thankful for lately?
  11. What are the 3 best moments of your life?
  12. Is there anything I can help take off your plate right now?
  13. What is an irrational fear you have?
  14. What is something you have always wanted to do but have never had the guts to do?
  15. If you could have witnessed any biblical or any other historical event, which one would you choose?
  16. What is one thing that makes you feel unloved?
  17. Do you feel we are physically intimate enough?
  18. If you could go back and change something that happened this past year, what would it be?
  19. What is one thing you would like to change or add to our home?
  20. Is there a hobby you would like for us to take up together?
  21. What memory from the past never fails to make you laugh?
  22. What do you see as being the biggest distraction in my life?
  23. How would you describe our mission for our life together?
  24. When is the last time we laughed really hard together?
  25. What would the perfect day look like together?

To download or print a copy of 100 Questions to Ask your Spouse, click here.

I hope you and your spouse had fun diving into these questions together. Let me know in the comments which questions you enjoyed the most!

Leslie is a licensed professional counselor. She works as a therapist at a marriage intensive retreat center. She is also a foster mom and police wife. Her and her husband live in Missouri with their two teenage sons and three dogs.